


Keep Me Sane

by ElizaisTrying



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fifth Year, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Light Smut, M/M, Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, like very light. That might change.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-08-19 12:29:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20209771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaisTrying/pseuds/ElizaisTrying
Summary: Harry finds comfort in Severus. Severus finds redemption in Harry.This takes place at the end of the fifth year and going into sixth year. So Harry is 15 going on 16. Sirius is dead. Voldemort is back and everything seems to be falling apart. It’s a bit angsty in the beginning but that won’t last.





	1. Hold Me Down

Harry was angry. He was heartbroken, he was sad, it felt as if his chest was caving in. But he couldn’t dwell on those feelings. He didn’t want to feel sad, so he chose to be angry. He screamed at Dumbledore, and Dumbledore sat there calmly. How could he be calm? Voldemort was back. Everyone knew that now. There was no denying it. Sirius was... 

Harry pushed that thought away and stormed out of Dumbledores office. There was nothing left to say, or rather yell. And the old man wasn’t making him feel better. So Harry walked out of the office. He paused in the hallway and stared at the blank wall before him. Harry wasn’t very violent. He wasn’t prone to outburst before this year. But this year had changed him. All the anger, all the pent up sadness that threatened to take control of him came out. Harry punched the wall. He punched the wall again and again and again. He punched the wall until his knuckles were cracked and bleeding and something definitely felt out of place. And suddenly Harry wasn’t angry. He wasn’t really upset either. He was numb. His hand throbbed a bit, but other than that Harry felt nothing. 

He walked in a daze down the long lonely corridors. There was no one there. All the students were ordered to stay in their dorms until they could be sure that the students would be safe. Harry never was great at following rules. He probably should’ve headed to Madam Pomfrey. Have her fix the broken mess that is his hand but he didn’t. Instead he followed the corridors down and down until he was standing outside of Snape’s room. Harry didn’t really know why he came down here. Maybe because he knew that Snape was trying to keep him safe when Umbridge was trying to question him. When he didn’t give Umbridge the veritaserum. When he pretended not to know what he was talking about and sent a letter to the headmaster. Dumbledore wouldn’t let Harry leave without explaining that to him. This didn’t make Snape a great guy or anything. It just made Harry feel like he had an ally who wasn’t also a 15 year old kid. 

With his not bloody hand, Harry knocked on the door. Part him didn’t expect Snape to answer. Part of him didn’t want Snape to answer. But he had barely lowered his hand when the door flew open. 

Harry was not prepared for the sight before him. Snape was wearing a dark gray Henley and black pajama pants. His hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail at the nape of his neck. And he looked so normal. He looked like a normal man going to bed and Harry couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know what he expected so late at night but it wasn’t this. 

“Potter?” Snape asked. For the first time his voice wasn’t dripping with hatred. He sounded genuinely confused. Why would Harry be here? After everything that happened tonight Snape expected Harry to be an emotional wreck in his bed being comforted by his friends. Instead he was standing in front of Snape. 

Harry just stared for a moment. Snape was about to ask what the hell he was doing there, before he could Harry threw himself at the potions master. He wrapped his arms around Snape’s middle and buried his face in his chest. Harry wasn’t sure why. He just really wanted a hug. Snape smelled like mint leaves and he was warm and he was there. And Harry wanted to feel something real. 

Snape had two thoughts float through his head. One was to immediately push Harry off and slam the door and pretend this never happened. He decided to go with the latter. He wrapped his arms tightly around Harry and rested his cheek on the top of Harry’s head. 

When Snape hugged him back it was like something snapped inside Harry. And for the first time that night, he cried. Not like a few tears slipped down his cheeks. He started sobbing uncontrollably. Harry half expected Snape to push him away now. But that didn’t even seem like an option to the man. He simply stroked Harry’s back and told him it would be okay. 

When Harry quieted and Snape felt like the boy wasn’t going to fall apart if he let go, he released him and pulled Harry into the room. It opened to a small sitting room. It only held a couch, a coffee table and a desk tucked away in the corner. Snape pulled Harry to the couch and sat him down. He found a box of tissues and handed them to Harry and allowed the teenager to clean his face. Out of instinct Harry reached for another tissue with his right hand only to realize that this hand was quite broken. Snape’s eyes widen and reached out and gently took Harry’s hand in his. 

“Did this happen at the Ministry?” Snape asked him. He examined his hand and it was definitely broken in a few places but was an easy fix. 

“No,” Harry said softly. His voice a bit hoarse. “I punched a wall.” His cheeks tinged with pink from the embarrassment. 

Snape decided not to comment and pulled out his wand and fixed his hand. “It will still be sore for a few days.” 

Harry nodded. He looked so very tired and Snape felt very sad just looking at him. So he sat next to Harry and wrapped his arm around Harry’s shoulders. Snape let the boy lean against him. Harry without a thought laid his head on the professor’s shoulder and closed his eyes. 

They sat like that until Harry fell asleep. It was then that Snape gently laid Harry down on the couch. He conjured a blanket and laid it over Harry. Snape looked down at the boy. Something inside of the bitter man shifted and all the built up hatred he felt for Harry seemed silly. He was just a kid. 

With a sigh, Snape bent down and took Harry’s glasses off and placed them on the table. Without thinking, Snape ran his fingers through Harry’s hair. Careful not to wake him. When he realized how odd this would be to anyone else he pulled his hand away and walked through the opposite door and into his bedroom. 

Snape thought it best not to think about how weird it was to have a Harry Potter on his couch. He only took a moment to send the headmaster a letter, letting him know Harry was there and sleeping. He didn’t want everyone to think that the boy who lived was suddenly the boy who disappeared. With that, he turned out the lights and climbed into his bed. He tried to push Harry out of his head, but somehow the boy remained. Even after he slept, Harry continued to linger in his dreams.  
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A/N: Hey! So this is a new Snarry I’m trying out. Hope it’s decent. I did not edit this because I got lazy halfway through and just wanted to post it so I’m sorry for any mistakes. I’ll read through it later and edit it. Also I like putting the notes like this. Idk why. I’m just odd.


	2. From Foes To Friends

When Harry woke up the next morning there was a few blissful seconds when he was just regular Harry. Not Harry who was crazy or Harry who just lost the closest thing to family he had. He was just a 15 year old boy. But one shouldn’t mistake good moments for a good life. It all came crashing down. Suddenly he remembered Sirius disappearing into the black veil and Voldemort’s face twisting into something that vaguely resembled a smile. Harry also remembered crying into Snape’s chest like a toddler. He had to focus on something to keep from falling apart so Harry leaned into the embarrassment that was now coursing through his body. He pushed all the pain and fear away. There was just normal teenage embarrassment of crying in front of a teacher. Fuck the reason behind the whole crying fit. That no longer mattered. Harry shoved all of that down and tried to find his glasses.

  
He sat up on the surprisingly comfortable couch. Harry was shocked to see his glasses sitting right next to him on the coffee table. He didn’t remember taking them off, but he couldn’t imagine Professor Snape caring enough to remove his glasses. The thought of that actually made Harry’s heart flutter a bit and he wasn’t exactly sure why. He brushed it off as lingering gratitude for letting Harry sob uncontrollably on his shirt.

  
As if thinking of him had summoned the very man that was consuming Harry’s thought, Snape walked out of his room. As the potion master entered the room he stretched. Harry, a bit obvious about it, watched. Snape’s shirt started to rise up as he raised his arms above his head showing Harry a fairly toned stomach. Harry never really thought about what Snape would look like shirtless, but if he had, it wouldn’t be this. I guess being a former death eater had it perks.

A thought suddenly struck Harry. Snape used to be a death eater. A lot of Voldemort’s followers kind of fell back into normal life after their Lords downfall. But now that he was back, Voldemort surely expected them all to come running. If Snape really was a good guy, Voldemort would be coming for him. But a darker thought came to the forefront of Harry’s mind. Voldemort has been back for almost a year now. And Severus Snape was still very much alive. There was one thing Harry knew was a fact, if you betrayed Voldemort, you wouldn’t live long enough to tell the tale. If Snape was still breathing, and he clearly was, he must still be a death eater.

As Harry’s mind slowly connected the dots, all the color drained from his face. He suddenly found himself feeling very afraid of the man in front of him. This didn’t seem to be the same for one Severus Snape. He was in a fairly good mood. He slept pretty well and he was hopeful that maybe now he could actually move past all the melancholy and anger that had been building since he was a student at Hogwarts. That maybe creating a normal teacher-student relationship with Harry would take away all the pain he felt when he looked at the boy and saw James Potter’s face and Lily Evans eyes. So after be stretched he looked at Harry, his smile faded. Harry was pale and looked as if he was going to be sick at any moment. Suddenly Severus remembered why Harry was here in the first place. Comfort. Harry did just lose his God Father.

“Harry, are you alright?” Severus started to walk towards him, but stopped suddenly when Harry scrambled backwards on the couch as if he was afraid of Severus.

If Harry was thinking clearly, that is to say if Harry didn’t just watch Sirius Black be murdered by a death eater, he would be able to realize that if Severus really wanted him dead, he would have killed Harry when he so foolishly fell asleep. Harry would know that Severus was not stupid and wouldn’t wait until they both slept to try to hurt him. If Harry was just a bit more thoughtful, he might have grabbed his wand that was tucked into a hidden pocket in the hoodie he was wearing. But Harry was only 15. He was sad and not very good at dealing with his feelings, so in this moment, all he felt was fear.

“Harry?” Severus asked, but this time he didn’t walk any closer.

“Do you still...” Harry trailed off, his voice coming out small. “Voldemort. You’re a death eater.”

Severus was taken aback, literally. He took a step back. His former work as a death eater was public knowledge, but no one knew that now he was a double agent. Risking his life daily to give the good side a fighting chance. His first thought was to act defensively, be angry. But he took a moment, took a deep breath and understood that this was a valid assumption.

“Not anymore, not really.” Severus stated. This was a bold choice for someone who knew that Voldemort actively poked around Harry’s head, but Severus didn’t think that Voldemort would try that again after last night. Even if the dark lord tried, Severus could easily lie his way out and for once in his life, Severus felt the need to ease Harry’s mind.

“When I found out that Voldemort was targeting your mother I no longer wanted to support him. For once I had something worth fighting for. I wanted to save her. I came to Dumbledore and he gave me a way out. If I worked for him, if I changed side and played double agent, Dumbledore promised to do everything in his power to save your mother.”

Harry stood, he was still afraid, but hearing about his mother gave him enough courage to stand and face Severus. He heard the words and Harry knew that they rang true. And if Harry was being honest with himself, he wanted it to be true.

“You’re not working for Voldemort?” Harry asked, needing to be sure.

Severus walked towards Harry again and this time the teen stood his ground. Harry was not expecting the mean potion master to grab Harry and hug him.

“No, Harry. I’m not. I can assure you that you are safe here.”

Harry spent the entirety of his fifth year feeling angry and scared and out of place. He didn’t realize how much he needed to feel safe until he absolutely felt safe, standing in the sitting room of the teacher he spent years despising. It was no secret that Severus hated Harry and Harry hated Severus, but something shifted when Harry came here last night. Neither one could pin point what changed, but it had something to do with the fact that they were both afraid of the future and they both had a hole in their chest that came with losing someone you loved. Harry never asked, but if he had Severus would have told him that the hole was never filled, it just seemed to get smaller until you could go days, sometimes weeks, without tripping and falling into the brokenness that is their life.

Harry left shortly after that. There was breakfast to attend and Harry was interested to know what they were gonna say at breakfast to try explain this away. He hoped that this time they would be honest with the student body. Harry was one of the last people to walk into the great hall. He quickly found Ron and Hermione sitting towards the head of the table. They looked tired, not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. Part of Harry felt terrible for putting them through this. But he knew in his heart that they wouldn’t do it if they didn’t care for Harry and that comforted him a bit.

“Where were you last night? I stayed up half the night expecting you to come back.” Ron asked as soon as Harry’s butt touched the seat.

Harry wasn’t sure whether or not to be honest. But he was looking at the two people in the world that had his back since day one. He knew it would sound weird, but they wouldn’t judge him.

“I actually went to Professor Snape’s office after I spoke to Dumbledore. I’m not really sure why. My mind was spinning and I needed something and I ended up there. I fell asleep on his couch.” Harry shrugged. Before either one could voice their thought Dumbledore stood and silence fell over the great hall.

“The Ministry of magic would prefer me to lie to you. Tell you that everything is fine and under control. But there are some things that I do not agree with. I know you are students, but staying silent has never and will never create change.” He paused and looked out at all the children staring up at him, begging him to share good new but that was not the case. “Voldemort is back.” At the mention the name a startled gasp spread through the hall. “He is back. I am not sure what this means for the wizarding community and I am not foolish enough to say that everything will be fine. I will however tell you to have hope. Darkness cannot consume light, and I know that every person that sits here today possesses the ability to bring light to the ever darkening world. This is not to say I expect to leave and go find a great fight to die for. I am saying that you can put out small fires by being kind to one another and knowing that Voldemort’s fight is one that will only end in death and destruction and I hope for your sake and the sake of the world that you will choose light over darkness.”

Dumbledore took his seat at the head of the table, looking as if he never left. As the weight of his words hovered over the heads of children far too young to be dealing with this, Professor McGonagall stood and began explaining how the rest of the year would go. As if any of this mattered when a war was begging to rage outside.

There was a month left of school. Things went on business as usual. Classes started to close and exams were approaching. Harry often found his way to Snape’s quarters almost every night. It became a routine. Harry would have dinner with his friends, go to his dormitory to change into pajamas, and make his way to the dungeons. Severus never questioned it. He just sat with Harry until he fell asleep on the couch and then he would go to bed. Ron and Hermione thought this was odd, but Harry was sad and they didn’t know what to say so they let their friend find comfort wherever he saw fit. They had every intention of asking Harry what was up, but they decided that could wait.

On the first day of the last week of school, the nightmares started. Harry woke, tears streaming down his face, his body shaking. He saw it happen all over again. Cedric dying, Sirius dying. All of it as if he was there again. He tried to calm his racing heart and when that failed he decided that he needed Severus and was only a few feet away. This was completely inappropriate and if Harry wasn’t such a wreck, he might have thought twice about it, but at this moment he just wanted to feel safe. So he abandoned his blanket and made his way to Severus’s room. He thought about knocking, but he didn’t. Harry just let himself in.

For the last 3 weeks Harry had spent every night of the couch. Sometimes if Harry wasn’t tired and Severus wasn’t in a rush to return to his lonely bed, they would sit on the couch and drink a cup of tea. They never discussed anything important. They just talked. Harry complained about classes and Severus teased him by complaining about annoying students. They laughed and joked and enjoyed each others company. It was safe to say that they were closer then ever before. But they were not close enough for this. Not that it mattered.

Severus, always a light sleeper, was awake as soon as the door swung open. Harry stepped inside and closed the door. It was dark and Harry’s glasses were still sitting on the table in the sitting room, but Harry could see just enough to know where the bed was.

“Harry?” Severus was more than a little confused. “Is everything alright.”

“Not really.” Harry answered honestly and without another word he climbed into the bed.

Harry curled into Severus’s chest and as if acting out of instinct Severus wrapped his arms around Harry. For the most part, Harry has stopped crying and his face was dry. The shaking stopped as soon as he was next to Severus. Harry nuzzled the potion master’s neck and sighed contently.

“Did you know you smell like mint?” Harry asked sleepily. “I never really thought that just smelling someone could be so comforting, but it is. Is that weird to say?”

Severus smiled into the darkness and let himself enjoy the moment and ignored the thoughts that told him that this was a bad idea, that he would regret this in the morning. But right now, he was happy. He tried to be okay with that.

“I know exactly what you mean.” Severus replied. His answer fell on deaf ears, Harry was already back to sleep. Severus did know what Harry meant. Sometimes, if Harry would wake up a bit late, Severus would push him out the door before he had a chance to fold the blanket he used on the couch. Severus folded it for him and he noticed that the blanket now smelled of Harry. It was a hard to pin point ah first, but it was like cinnamon. Harry smelled of cinnamon and that smell seemed to wrapped around Severus now.

Severus was a light sleeper because he spent the entirety of his life feeling afraid and unsafe. But here, with Harry breathing softly against his neck and boy’s hair tickling his nose, he fell into a deep sleep for the first time in what seemed like forever.

The last week of school changed for the pair. Harry took his exams and he still spent every night in the dungeons with his new favorite teacher. The first night after they shared a bed started off like all the other nights. Harry came down and they talked for a bit. They both pretended that the last night didn’t happen and Harry fell asleep on the couch. But bad dreams left Harry shaking once again and he found himself climbing into bed with Severus again. If Harry was being honest, he felt a bit childish having bad dreams and going to Severus for comfort, but when you saw as much as Harry did, there was nothing childish about it. After that, they abandoned the couch all together. Harry wouldn’t even bother trying to sleep on the couch. When they were both ready for bed, they would go to Severus’s room. Harry would wrap himself around Severus and Severus would hold Harry. And it was lovely for the last three days of school.

If this was a normal year, students would have stayed for another week to get their grades back from their professors, but student were anxious to get back to the comfort of their homes so on the first Saturday of June, everyone was heading home. Harry was packed and ready to go. His trunk was being put on the train by house elves, but Harry kept his school bag with him. He had a book that Severus has loaned him in it and he wanted to keep it with him, even for the train ride. A half hour before Harry was due to board the train, he made his way down to the dungeons to say goodbye to Severus. Severus wasn’t in his office so Harry let himself into the room they had been sharing. Severus was sitting on the edge of his bed holding one of his Henleys. When he saw Harry he stood up and smiled. Severus had a very nice smile that Harry only saw when they were alone and it was quite contagious. Harry found himself smiling up at Severus.

“I had a thought.” Severus stared with no preamble. “Since you seem to think I smell of mint and it’s comforting, I thought maybe you would like to take one of my shirts. Just in case you need a bit of comfort at home.”

Severus handed Harry the shirt, Harry accepted it of course. It was such a sweet thought that Harry threw himself into Severus and wrapped his arms around him.

“Thank you.” Harry whispered into his chest.

“Of course.” Severus hugged him back.

Harry once asked if he could call his professor by his first name about a week into spending every night with him.

Severus of course told him no but Harry was persistent. So Severus sighed and told him only when they were alone. Harry looked so happy that Severus was happy he told him yes.

The name still felt a bit foreign, but Harry loved saying it. So as he let his professor go, he smiled at him and said: “I guess I’ll see you in September, Severus.”

“Bye Harry.”

And that should’ve have been it. But Severus didn’t want Harry to leave without knowing that he was just as comforting. That Severus needed Harry there just as much as Harry needed it. Severus needed to tell Harry that he cared for him and that he could barely wait for September to come so they can go back to having tea and talking way later then they should.

All of this seemed inappropriate to say. But they were well passed inappropriate so Severus grabbed Harry’s arm and turned him back around. Severus brought Harry close to his chest. He could see the confusion on Harry’s face. Before Harry had the chance to question it and before Severus could talk himself out of it, he kissed Harry.

There lips connected and slowly moved against each other. Just for a moment. Severus pulled back just to press one more kiss to Harry’s lips.

“See you soon.” Severus whispered.

“See you soon.” Harry echoed, unsure of what else to do.

Harry left and had enough brain power to shove the shirt in his bag. Harry, in a daze, boarded the train and sat with his friends. They rattled on about plans for the summer, but Harry couldn’t hear them. He Could still feel Severus lips on his and he smiled. Maybe things weren’t going to be terrible forever. Harry settled into the seat ready for the summer.

But really, you shouldn’t mistake good moments for a good life.  
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A/N: This was a bit rushed because I need to get ready for work but wanted to post. Please excuse mistakes. I will be editing this later. Hope it wasn’t too bad even though I was rushing a bit. Hopefully I’ll be back soon with an update.</p>


	3. And Then There Was Us

Harry was a month into his summer. July was warm and his birthday was approaching. The Dursleys left him alone for the most part so he should be fine, but something was bothering him. Severus hadn’t written or contacted him in any way. In his defense, Harry hadn’t written him either. Harry wasn’t exactly sure what to say, if he was being honest. That kiss was amazing. Not that Harry had much to compare to it, but every time he thought about it his entire body would grow warm. He slept in Severus’s shirt every night. He was sure Severus must have used some kind of magic because even after continuously wearing the shirt, it still smelled exactly like Severus. On the third of July Harry finally sat down to write a letter. 

_Dear Severus,_

_I wasn’t sure what to write you or if you even wanted to hear from me. I wasn’t going to write, but I realized I missed you. I missed you more than I should, but we are passed doing things we shouldn’t. _

_I was in a very bad place when I first came to you and you made me feel safe. It was as if my world was crumbling and you were the only stable thing I could hold on to and I will forever be grateful. _

_I know this is probably obvious by the way that I kissed you back and the way I curled into you at night, but I have feelings for you. I’m not sure what those feelings are. I’ve noticed it as soon as we kissed and as soon as I walked away. I immediately wanted to turn back around and spend this entire summer closed off in your room. I know that I am a nearly 16 year old and I am your student and that this is wrong, but I can’t find a reason to care. I know that you have far more to lose than me, but I hope we Can at least stay friends and continue to spend time together. Although, I do want more. But I will not push for something that you don’t want or can’t have because the risk isn’t worth it. I know I’m not worth the risk and not asking for you to take a chance on me. I just wanted to be clear about where I stand. _

_I hope you’re enjoying your summer, _

_Harry_

Harry read and reread the letter before he finally sent it. It didn’t sound like him. It sounded too formal, but the entire situation was a confusing mess and Harry just needed to get his feelings out there. He would send letters to Ron and Hermione every few days but it wasn’t like he could tell them what was going on. “So, I think I have feeling for Professor Snape.” Surely they would lock him in his room and through away the key. They would think he was absolutely mental, or worse, that Severus was taking advantage of him. Neither was true and he would never tell anyone. It wasn’t fair to Severus. If people found out they wouldn’t blame Harry. They would blame his professor. And not only would he lose his job, but Voldemort would find out and Harry couldn’t begin to imagine how that would play out. 

Harry anxiously waited for a letter to come. After two days he was sure that Severus didn’t want to speak to him. Maybe that kiss was a spur of the moment kind of thing and Severus instantly regretted it. Harry was ready to hide away in his room and never return to Hogwarts out of pure embarrassment. But the next day, he received a letter. It contained only two lines but they filled Harry with excitement. 

_Harry, _  


_I would like to talk in person. July 8th at 10pm._

_Severus_

Harry sent a quick reply saying yes of course and tried to make the time go by sooner. But the hours trickled by like molasses and he was antsy and anxious. He was a bit stressed. What if Severus just wanted to meet so he could let him down in person? Harry would much rather be told in a letter so he could handle the hurt of rejection in private. He wasn’t sure how he would react after everything that has happened. He was like an unsteady pile of blocks. One small breeze would knock him over. He refused to tell Severus that. Harry didn’t want a pity fake relationship. He didn’t want Severus to only stay because he thought Harry was unstable. When Harry really thought about it, he wasn’t sure he wanted a full blown relationship. He was 15, almost 16, he just kind of wanted to make out a bit. Maybe fool around. Just have a bit of fun to level out the shitty-ness that was the rest of his life. But he also only wanted Severus to be with him. Harry mind was spinning and it continued to go in a circle until the night finally arrived. 

He was already dressed in faded jeans and a band shirt Hermione had given him the year before. He didn’t see a point in changing. Severus wouldn’t care what he was wearing. At 9:45pm Harry attempted to sneak down the steps. About halfway down he realized he didn’t really care if he was heard. He was over the Dursley and he honestly wanted them to put him out. Give him an excuse to go to the Weasleys. That was always better than his current situation. 

Harry stepped outside and waited patiently. Severus didn’t specify where Harry should be or even how he was getting there. Harry assumed Severus would apparate and it wouldn’t make any sense for him to go straight into Harry’s room, so outside he stood. And right at 10, Harry heard a faint pop a few feet away from him. 

Severus was always more comfortable in Muggle clothes then wizard robes, although he would deny it if anyone asked. He came to see Harry wearing Dark jeans and a long sleeve button down shirt with the first few buttons left open. The night was a bit chilly so the long sleeves didn’t bother him. 

As soon as apparated, Harry turned and saw him. A wide smile formed on Harry’s face like Severus was the best thing he’s seen all week. Severus felt his heart flutter a bit and silently cursed himself for acting like a hormonal teenager. He only scolded himself for a second before he had an arm full of Harry. 

Severus chuckled quietly as Harry attached himself to Severus, his arms going around his middle and nuzzling his face against his professors chest. There was no moment of hesitation before Severus was hugging him back, burying his face in the top of Harry’s head. He felt content for the first time since summer started. Harry was a few inches short than Severus. The top of his head just reached Severus’s chin and when he looked up at the older man, Severus couldn’t help but think that Harry was perfect kissing distance. But he pushed that thought away. That wasn’t why he was here. 

“Hey,” Harry couldn’t stop grinning and he didn’t want to let go of Severus. Everything felt right. 

“Hi.” Severus attempted to sound bored and unimpressed like he normally did, but he couldn’t hide the bit of happiness that crept into his voice. “Would you like to talk here or my house? I told the ministry that we were doing a bit of make up work since you missed some school. I thought they would question how late it was, but they just approved the use of magic. Wouldn’t want you getting in trouble.”

“We can just go around to yours. The middle of the street isn’t exactly ideal for talking.” Harry said matter of factly. 

There wasn’t anywhere to sit to have a comfortable conversation, especially the conversation that Severus was trying to have. With Harry still hugging him, Severus aoparated back into his living room. 

Now, Harry knew there was more to Severus then his attitude he had at school. And when Harry was just a angry student, he often imagined that Severus lived in a swamp, guarded by the meanest dragons. But his house was pleasantly swamp and dragon free. It looked pretty normal. There was a couch, a coffee table. There was a pretty massive bookshelf and a recliner. There was even a few house plants here and there. It was just a house. Harry wouldn’t say he was shocked. Even after getting to know Severus, this was way more simple then he expected. 

Severus sat in the recliner that was positioned across from the couch. Harry had a moment where he thought about sitting on Severus’s lap and making sure their “conversation” went the way he wanted it to, but in the end he sat on the couch and faced Severus like this was a business meeting. 

“I don’t want to drag this on, I’ll get right to the point.” Severus started and Harry felt his heart sink. “I received your letter and I think it is clear that this is just your mind playing tricks on you. I was there when you lost your God father and it’s easy to mistake those feelings of gratitude for romantic feelings. I’m sure I made it worse with the kiss. I can’t explain away what I did, I just hope your forgive me.” 

Harry had the strangest feeling to laugh. Not that this was funny, it wasn’t. It was just insane. Of course Severus would think that there was no way Harry could like him. They had only been truly getting to know each other a little over a month. But Harry already knew about all the insecurities that Severus held underneath that nearly permanent scowl. Not wanting Harry because he could lose his job? Completely understandable, enough said. Not wanting Harry because he didn’t think it was possible to liked? That was not happening. 

“That would make sense if I was in love with you. But I’m not. It’s way too soon for that. I like you. I’m attracted to you. I’m sure, given the chance I could fall in love, but for right now, I just want a bit of fun and I want you to be included in that.” Harry couldn’t help but smirk a little at the shock that was showing clearly on Severus’s face. 

“Harry... you can’t possibly want me. I’m your professor and you’re just a kid.” 

And suddenly Harry was angry. It wasn't as volatile as it was the year before, but he was definitely mad. 

“No offense, Professor,” the word came out sharp and even surprised Harry a bit but he kept going. “Kid or not, I know what I’m feeling. I stopped being a kid a long time ago. That was taken from me. All of that aside, if you don’t want me then say that. I would appreciate honesty instead of lame excuses.” 

Harry had stood up at some point. There was only a few steps between them. If Severus leaned forward he could grab Harry and that’s what he wanted to do. Because of course he wanted him. Severus knew it was wrong and that he shouldn’t want someone so young, but he did. Severus spent most of his life doing what he was supposed to. He fell in love with Lily because that was his first friend and his mother said that how things went. He would be best friends with a girl and fall in love with her. So he did. He went to class, he passed his classes. Even joining the death eaters. All his friends said that’s what he was destined to do. So he did. Never in his life did he actually do something because he wanted to. Not until now. He pushed all the doubts and fears away. 

Severus leaned forward and grabbed Harry’s hips, pulling him closer until Harry had no choice to to put his legs on either side of Severus’s legs and straddle him. 

“This is a bit unexpected.” Harry smiled. His cheeks were tinged with red and he looked a little unsure. Severus felt happy looking up at Harry. Happiness wasn’t something he had a lot of in his life. This, Harry in his lap, looking down at him, this was everything he needed in that moment. He was truly happy. 

Severus moved his hands from Harry’s hips to Harry’s face and brought his face down to kiss him. 

He kissed him slowly, taking his time. Severus wanted to map out the exact way that Harry’s mouth moved against his so that he would never forget this moment. 

Severus was not stupid. He prided himself in being smart. That was the only good thing about him most of the time. So he knew that this, like all good things in his life, would crash and burn and end. 

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A/N: It’s another update from ya boi Charlie. So... you should leave a comment telling me if you like this. Because comments give me the fuel to write more. I enjoy reading what people think. It often feels like I’m writing these stories and releasing them into the void. I want the void to answer back. 


	4. First Thought, Best Thought

Harry wished he could say that this was the last time Severus would doubt that Harry had feelings for him. But that was not true. Severus actually tried to end things the very next day. Harry probably should have expected this, but he was young and wasn’t used to dealing with someone else’s self destructive behaviors.

After kissing for a few minutes, they were both red in the face and little breathless. Everything felt surreal but they had bigger things to worry about. Like getting Harry home.

“I would rather be with you.” Harry said wrapping his arms around Severus when they apparated back to privet drive.

“The ministry would notice if you came to my house and never came back.”

That was a valid point.

“Hold on.” Harry raced in the house, not caring about the Dursleys or if they woke. He grabbed his broom and came back and stopped in front in of Severus with a mischievous smile.

“Absolutely not.” Severus deadpanned.

“How about you apparate and I will fly.”

“You cannot fly there by yourself Harry.” Severus rubbed his temple and wondered how he let himself catch feelings for this boy.

“Looks like you’re riding with me.” Harry swung his leg over and got comfortable on his broom. “Don’t worry. I’m pretty great at flying.”

Severus was skeptical but he sat behind Harry and grabbed Harry’s waist. As soon as Harry kicked off Severus arms went all the way around Harry and held him tightly. He buried his face in Harry’s shoulder.

Harry grinned. Severus was really cute. He held on tight and didn’t loosen his grip until they were safely on the ground again. When they landed Harry stepped off his broom and let it fall to the ground so he could wrap his arms around Severus neck.

“For someone who pretends to be all big and mean, you were pretty scared.” Harry teased.

Severus feigned anger and growled, pushing Harry roughly against the front door. “I can show you exactly how mean I can be.” To prove his point, Severus bit down on Harry’s neck. Just hard enough to leave the outline of his teeth before tracing it with his tongue. Harry moaned quietly, surprising them both.

Severus pulled back and looked down at him. Both there eyes were a bit darker, pupils dilated. There was only a few inches between there lips. It only took Harry a second so tangle his fingers in Severus’s hair and pull him down for a kiss. This was not like a kiss the shared so far. Severus would bite Harry bottom lip and slip his tongue in Harry’s mouth. Harry, far less experienced just tried to keep up. Severus didn’t notice, if asked he would say that Harry was by far the best kisser he met so far. He was so pliant and warm. He moaned softly into the kiss and Severus pulled away to try to gain some self control.

“Sev,” Harry whispered. The nickname slipped out without much thought.

Severus was far too focused on how badly he wanted Harry to even notice the nickname.

“Maybe we should head inside.” Severus said just as quietly and Harry nodded.

They both wanted each other. But they were both filled with doubts. One worried about not being good enough with his lack of experience and the other still wondered if this was all just a broken boy searching for comfort. As if he was going to wake up, come to his senses and walk away as if none of this happened. Too many doubts to say out loud. Instead they laid in bed and shared soft kisses until it was far too late and they were far too tired.

The next morning Harry woke up and found Severus pacing back in fourth in his bedroom.

Harry sat up and stretched. “What’s on your mind, love.” He was a bit groggy and still sleepy, but he couldn’t really sleep if Severus wasn’t next to him. Harry barely slept at the Dursley’s, if he really thought about. He slept for 3 to 4 hours a night and spent the rest of the night smelling Sev’s shirt and pretending that it wasn’t weird that he did that.

“Harry...” Severus wasn’t sure how to phrase this without sounding scared. Because he was scared, but he wasn’t going to let anyone know that. “I can’t help but feel like all of this is a mistake. Maybe we should quit while we’re ahead. Before this goes on too long and you start to resent me or regret this.”

Severus stopped pacing and faced Harry. He looked lost and it was something Harry was all too familiar with, but he never expected to see etched so clearly on the potion master’s face.

Harry never really dated and he wasn’t at all experienced in dealing with someone else’s self loathing and doubt, but he knew what he would want if this was him.

So, Harry stood up and took the few steps towards Severus and took his hand.

“This,” Harry intertwined there fingers and pressed a small kiss to the back of Severus’s hand. “Could never be a mistake.” Harry leaned forward and kisses the professor’s collarbone. “I could never regret you.”

It wasn’t much, but that was all Severus needed. His thoughts still swirled between knowing this was wrong and knowing this was dangerous, but being here with Harry made his thoughts quiet down.

Severus was always the one to overthink and rethink and think again. His mind was constantly moving and changing and going in circles. But being there with Harry calmed his mind. Consumed, would probably be a better word. With Harry so close, he couldn’t think about losing his job or trying to explain to Albus how or why this happened, he couldn’t think about trying to lie to Voldemort about this being fake and how he was just going to use Harry. How could he when all he could think about was the warmth radiating from Harry and the way he smiled and how smelled of cinnamon. Severus couldn’t think of much more than kissing Harry, touching him. If he would let his thoughts stray a bit farther he would think of Harry screaming his name, but that seemed a bit too much at the moment.

Severus just kissed Harry. Let the quiet put everything in it’s place and just enjoy the moment.

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A/N: I hope you’re ready for angst and drama. Sorry this was short. I need a bit of a filler to start the bullshit that will inevitably tear them apart. Stare into the void and let the void stare back.


	5. Happy Almost Birthday

After the first night, it was easy to form a habit. 

Harry went back to the Dursleys twice to get clothes and drop off old ones. They never asked where he was going. Although he was thankful, he wondered how little they actually cared to not question a 15 year old where was going when it was already dark outside and he had packed a bag of clothes. 

Harry’s birthday was fast approaching and as much as he just wanted to spend time with Severus for his birthday, he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Ron invited him over for his birthday, and Harry couldn’t think of a plausible way to say no. Not a way that wouldn’t immediately make Ron think they were no longer friends. 

Of course Harry missed his friends, he knew he would see them as soon as the school year started. Once September came, Harry would have very limited time with Severus. There wouldn’t be many days, if any, that could lay in bed for most of the morning sharing stupid stories that made each other laugh. He knew this when it started, but that didn’t mean Harry had to be happy about it. 

On the morning of the 30th, Harry groaned as soon as woke up. He would have to back home today so Hermione and her family could pick him up. He never met Hermione’s parents but he was sure they would be nice enough. That was the least of his concerns. 

“Good morning to you too.” Severus murmured, pulling Harry closer to his chest. 

“I don’t want to go.” He was definitely whining, but it was basically his birthday so he was allowed. 

“I know.” 

Severus wanted Harry to leave as much as Harry wanted to go. Not at all. But he wasn’t going to spend the entire time being upset about it. Instead he got out bed and pulled Harry with him. 

He made pancakes and bacon while Harry leaned against the counter and talked to him. While Severus was flipping pancakes Harry took a sip of his coffee and made a disgusted face. 

“Of course you would like black coffee.”

Severus chuckled and gave Harry a quick kiss before taking his cup back. 

“It’s the only proper way to drink coffee.” Sev teased. “I did offer you tea.”

Harry shrugged as Severus turned back to the stove. 

“Not really in a tea mood.” Harry resisted the urge to sigh and just tried to enjoy his time with Severus. He honestly didn’t understand why this was so upsetting. Of course it was nice to wake up wrapped in Sev’s arms and kiss him or just sit next to him while he reads. But shouldn’t he be excited to see Hermione and Ron. Fred and George where going to stop by. They spent most of their time getting ready for their grand opening of their new store. Harry wanted to be excited. He wasn’t. And when he really stopped to think about it, he didn’t want to spend the last month of summer lying to his friends. He couldn’t tell his best friends about the best thing happening in his life. 

Hermione and Ron were the only thing in Harry’s life that felt stable for so long. They were his rock. But he still felt hollow and scared. With Severus, he didn’t feel that anymore. He felt wanted and happy. And he couldn’t tell his best friends. Suddenly, he was hollow again. 

Harry felt empty. He kept smiling at Severus. He ate breakfast and thanked him for making it. But he felt empty. 

“Harry?” Severus asked after breakfast was over and they were sitting on the couch. Harry was curled into Sev’s side, trying to pull himself out of the hole of his mind that suddenly seemed infinite and dark. 

“Yea?” Harry’s voice even sounded foreign to his own ears. 

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Harry wanted to answer, but his problems seemed so silly. Severus was literally risking his entire life just to be able to kiss Harry and Harry was fading away because he had to keep it from his friends. He didn’t want to broadcast it to the world, just wanted to be able to tell Ron that he was happy. But he knew he couldn’t. 

So, Harry shook his head and turned so he could kiss Severus softly. “Just thinking about how much I’ll miss you.” 

So they kissed and Harry pretended that he was fine. Severus saw right through it, but didn’t want to push Harry so he just let it go. When it was time for Harry to leave, Severus apparated Harry back to the Dursley’s. With all their goodbyes and kisses already done at Sev’s house, Harry just smiled and turned to leave but Severus grabbed his arms to stop him. 

“You’re forgetting something.”

Severus handed Harry a blue gift bag. Harry didn’t even see Severus grab it before they left but he figured that was the point. 

“Happy birthday, Harry.” 

Leaving no time for a reply Severus turned and apparated.

Harry went in the house and was pleasantly surprised to see it empty. He went to his room and quickly packed his trunk before sitting on his bed and looking inside the bag. 

Harry found a note and a broom cleaning kit. Harry grinned and set them down and noticed something else was at the bottom of the bag wrapped carefully in tissue paper. Harry pulled it out and unwrapped it. 

He nearly choked and laughed all at once. It was a thong. A Slytherin Green lace thong. Harry’s entire face turned red and shoved it back in the bag and turned to the note. 

———————  
Harry,

Happy birthday love. I hope it’s everything you want and more. I hope you enjoy your present. I have to admit, the last present was more a gift to myself, I hope you enjoy it as well. 

Love always,

Severus  
———————

Harry couldn’t stop the grin that was slowly overtaking his face. He couldn’t even imagine Severus walking into a store and purchasing panties. All Harry could think about was Severus searching through hundreds of thongs trying to find the perfect shade of Slytherin green. When did he even find the time? Harry tossed the note and his cleaning kit back in the bag and threw it all in his trunk before grabbing everything and walking downstairs. Hermione was do to be there any minute. 

When the Grangers arrived, Harry awkwardly loaded his things into the car and sat in the back with Hermione. 

“How was your summer so far?” Mrs. Granger asked as soon as Harry was buckled and they were driving. 

“Absolutely lovely.” Harry smiled to himself. 

Hermione gave him a strange look and decided not to question it at the moment. 

“I’ve missed you.” Hermione elbowed his side and Harry felt his heart swell. He really missed her too and told her as much. 

The rest of the car ride wash Hermione telling Harry all about the amazing things she did this summer and Harry making up stories so things sounded normal. He mostly told her everything he did with Severus. Just took Severus out of it and changed the location. 

When they finally made it to the Weasley’s, Harry unloaded his things and waved the Grangers off. Now that it he was here, he was pretty excited. 

“Harry!” Mrs. Weasley grabbed him as soon as he set his things down. “You’re far too small! Have they been feeding you at all?” 

Harry grinned. “I could hardly eat. No one cooks better than you.”

“Oh you.” She patted his cheek and went to hug Hermione. 

Ron came bounding down the stairs. 

“I’m so glad you two are here. I’ve been bored out of my mind without Fred and George.” Ron gave a cheeky grin before being playfully pushed by Ginny. 

“You git. Im not good enough?” Ginny came to hug Harry. Harry accepted and wrapped his arms around her. Ginny pulled back a bit to smile at him, her cheeks turning a bit red. Harry dropped his arms and stepped back so he didn’t give anyone the wrong idea. 

“You’re going to be 16 tomorrow. How exciting.” Mrs. Weasley chimed in, trying to stop the silence before it became too awkward. 

Harry just nodded and smiled, trying to figure out why Ginny was still standing in front of him. He stepped to the side to go around her and walk to Ron. He almost missed the flash of hurt that crossed her face. Almost. But he ignored it. 

“I actually missed you mate.” Ron pushed Harry’s shoulder. 

“I missed you too... surprisingly.” Harry added the last bit just be an ass. 

Harry was ready to settle in. He could do this. Hang out with his best mates for one month. And then he could see his Severus. Just one month. He could definitely do this. At least, he hoped he could. 

A/N: Yay. It’s time for lying and broken hearts. I haven’t even started yet. It’s about to get really bad. Like the worst. Also, Harry in a green thong coming soon in a fanfic near you. But, you’ll have to wait for that.


	6. Kiss Me

The first day at the Burrow wasn’t very eventful. They hung out and ate dinner. 

When the house was quiet and nearly everyone was asleep, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were still awake. They sat in a circle in Ron’s cramped room. They were all laughing and joking. It felt like they were just a kids. Just teenagers. They weren’t thinking about the way they needed to save the world or the fact that a more powerful wizard wanted to kill one or all of them. 

Harry was wearing Sev’s shirt. The gray Henley he gave to Harry at the end of the year. It was a bit big on Harry but it didn’t matter all that much. It kept slipping off Harry’s shoulder. After fixing it a few times Harry just started to ignore it. That’s when his friends grew quiet and started to stare. 

“What happened?” Hermione asked. She didn’t sound concerned because she knew what it was. 

Harry was confused until he looked down at his shoulder. He mentally cursed himself. He forgot it was there. Severus left a hickey on Harry’s neck there first night together. Harry made him spell it away. But being the ass Severus was, he left one on Harry’s shoulder because it was easy to hide. Harry made a note to leave a dark red hickey on Sev’s neck before he taught his first class. 

“It’s nothing.” Harry tried brush it off. He fixed his shirt and shrugged. 

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” Ron grinned. “Is it Cho?”

Harry grimaced and shook his head. 

“It’s not Cho.” Harry made a quick decision. He couldn’t tell them who, but he could tell them a bit. “It’s not a girl. I’ve never really cared what gender someone is. I think their personality is more important. That’s all I care about when I start to like someone.”

Harry never really thought about his sexuality. He just knew that he didn’t care much about gender. 

Ron and Hermione completely ignored the fact that Harry was into a guy. They just kept asking who and Harry kept saying that this guy didn’t want to be exclusive yet. 

“Have you done it?” Hermione giggled and the tips of her ears went a little pink. 

“No!” Harry’s entire face started to burn. “I’m not even sure how do go about it.”

“I mean does he know how to do it? If you’re gonna be on the bottom you just have to lay there.” Ron sounded so sure that Harry started wondering if Ron had some secret sex life. 

“What do you know about it Ronald?” Hermione turned to look at him and it was Ron’s turn to go completely red. 

It was fun to sit and talk. They stayed up too late and were all a bit groggy the next day. 

The next day they set up tables outside for Harry’s birthday dinner. The twins came and entertained the lot of them by floating the chairs and fighting with them. Molly wasn’t having any of it. She sent Fred to get more chairs. 

“The Birthday boy Can help me.” Fred grabbed Harry’s wrist and pulled him to the shed, out of everyone’s sight. 

“I honestly think you can handle this on your own.” Harry rolled his eyes at the red headed twin in front of him. 

Fred wasn’t thinking about the chairs at all and that became very clear to Harry when Fred pressed Harry against the side of the shed and put his hands on either side of Harry’s head. 

“Um?” Harry mumbled. More than a little confused. “What’re you doing bud?”

“Something I’ve been wanting to do for a while.” Fred’s voice was low as he leaned forward and pressed his lips firmly against Harry’s. 

For just a moment Harry was caught up in the situation and kissed back. Just a second before he pushed Fred away. 

“I’m dating, I mean, I’m with someone.” Harry stammered. Severus and he never made it official but surely Severus wouldn’t like Harry kissing someone else. 

“I guess I’m a bit late.” Fred grinned and pressed another swift kiss to Harry’s lips. “I’m here when you’re ready.”

Fred grabbed the chairs and left Harry leaning against the side of the shed questioning everything. Fred? Why? When Harry finally had something good going someone had to come along and mess with his head. 

“Harry!” Molly called. “Look who’s here!” 

Harry composed himself and plastered a fake smile on his face and walked back. 

Dumbledore was walking through the gate and right behind him, pretending he would rather be anywhere but here, was one Severus Snape. 

Harry’s smile faded completely. Severus raised an eyebrow as if to ask what’s wrong and for the first time in a while, Harry couldn’t meet his eyes. 

A/N: Yessssss. There ya go. It’s a bit short. But I wanted to start shit.


	7. Birthdays Are For Everyone

To say that this was unexpected was an understatement. Everyone was confused as to why Dumbledore was here, but the real confusion was held for their potion master. 

Harry wasn’t sure what to do. He gave Dumbledore his normal hello and the old man told him happy birthday and handed him a rather large bag and Harry set it to the side and promised to open it later. 

Severus was different. Harry wanted to hug and kiss him, but that wasn’t allowed. Harry also wanted to tell him about Fred and ask Severus what they were. Was this dating? Harry didn’t know how to do that at his own birthday party. 

“Hello professor.” Harry said quietly when Dumbledore had walked away and left them alone at the gate. Harry could feel everyone looking at them. He knew they would think it was a bit odd, but they knew the two were a bit closer after spending so much time together last year. 

“How’s your birthday party going?” Severus was trying to keep his face neutral, but couldn’t help the little smile that touched his lips. 

“It’s been weird.” Harry said honestly. 

Before Severus could ask why, Fred walked over. 

“Professor! What’re you doing here?” Fred slung his arm around Harry’s shoulder. 

Harry groaned quietly. 

“Just wanted to tell Mr. potter happy birthday.” Severus suddenly had a sharp edge in his voice. 

Harry stepped away from Fred to get out of the awkward side hug. He decided he didn’t want to deal with this and turned and walked away from both of them. He actually walked over to George hoping that this twin could enlighten him. It was actually odd to see them apart. Fred was still standing in front of Severus and George was on the other side of the yard. Everyone knew that they were their own person, but they kind of came as a package. Harry couldn’t remember a time that they weren’t standing next to each other, until now. 

“Hey,” Harry sat down next to George. They were far enough away to not be overheard. 

“I’m guessing Fred made his move.” George sounded kind of bitter. Not jealous, just upset. 

“Yea. What the hell is that about?” Harry crossed his arms and slumped back in his chair. 

“He had a bit of a crush on you. I guess he decided now that you’re 16 he can fuck you.”

Harry was a bit taken aback. He wondered if that’s all this was. Fred wanting to sleep with Harry. Harry kind of hoped that sex was all Fred wanted. No real feelings. Just lust. That would make is so much easier to shoot him down completely. 

“I’m not interested.” Harry stated honestly. “I’m interested in someone else.” 

This caught George off guard. He saw Harry as a perpetual loner. He only kissed Cho once that George could remember and she was a fairly nice girl. But George let the conversation die after that. But he watched as the party progressed. He noticed the heated glances between Harry and Severus. It was the same look Fred kept giving Harry. George, contrary to popular belief, was not stupid. He noticed. He only saw because he was watching, looking for something out of the ordinary. Everyone else seemed to be blissfully ignorant. Normally he would have teased Harry for having a crush on a teacher. But noticing the glances made him feel like he was intruding on something real and personal. For the first time in George’s life, he left well enough alone. 

Harry didn’t spend much time with Severus at all. He joked around with Hermione and Ron, played catch with Ginny. He even had a normal conversation with the twins about their up and coming shop. Harry talked to Dumbledore, thinking surely he had something important to tell Harry, but the old man assured Harry that he was just there for the cake. They ate dinner, had cake, and cleaned up. Pretty decent birthday party as far as Harry was concerned. As the party drifted to a close Harry excused himself. He told his friends he wanted to walk Severus out. If this was weird no one said anything. 

So Harry walked next to Severus and they made their way to the edge of the Burrow’s property, far away from prying eyes. 

“So, Mr. Weasley seems friendly.” Sev’s voice was cold and sharp as they stood across from each other. 

Harry wanted to ask which Weasley he was referring to. Not that Harry didn’t know, he just wanted to lighten the mood but he figured his small joke would do more harm than good. 

“What are we exactly?” Harry asked instead. Ignoring the first statement all together. “I’m not sure what to call you or even if you would want to be exclusive.” Harry looked at the ground. 

They were well out of the sight of everyone else but this was still too in the open to be comfortable. Severus had to resist the urge to hug Harry and kiss him. Assure him that he was all Severus wanted. Instead Severus stroked his cheek softly, only for a moment. 

“I’m quite comfortable being called yours and you being mine and mine only.” 

This statement made Harry’s entire body warm and he wanted to stay in this moment. But he had to say something now or he might never say it and that seemed completely wrong. 

“Before you came over Fred kissed me. That’s why he was being ‘friendly’ today. I told his I wasn’t interested-“ Harry stopped speaking as he saw Sev’s carefully crafted composure crack a bit. 

“What gave him the impression that kissing you was allowed?” 

And Harry had to pause. Sev’s voice was low and accusing and that pissed Harry off. This was still new and fresh. They didn’t have a label just moments ago. All of that aside, it wasn’t like  
Harry threw himself at the redheaded twin. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Harry’s fist were suddenly balled at his side and he was immediately defensive. 

“Nothing at all.” Severus was back to being cold and distant. His favorite way to avoid conflict. “Enjoy the rest of your summer.” 

And then he was gone. Leaving Harry angry and alone. And Harry was angry. Very angry. Severus was acting like a child. Harry had a very terrible idea. If he wanted to be childish and rude, well Harry could do that too.   
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A/N: Young love. Don’t you just adore the petty arguments at the beginning of new relationships. Wanna know my favorite things about ships? Not all of them are meant to float.


	8. Not Really Happy

Severus Snape was not a happy man. He was never actually happy. He had happy times, he supposed, but he would never describe himself as happy. There was always something weighing on his chest and mind. A darkness that seemed to grow and wane with every day. 

But Harry brought something else. The darkness, that seemed to be a part of Severus, almost faded completely around Harry. He was the sun. He drowned out the shadows and left flowers sprouting in a garden that Severus assumed was too damaged to ever hold life again. 

But Severus was broken. He didn’t think he deserved much. He had a bad habit of sabotaging every good thing that came his way. As soon as Harry gave him a reason, Severus overreacted. 

Once he was home he considered multiple ways to destroy what he and Harry had. He thought about breaking up. Saying it never meant much anyways. But that was a lie. He honestly hasn’t felt more alive than when he was kissing Harry. He knew Harry wouldn’t cheat. Not so soon. What bothered him is that he knew Harry would be better off with Fred. They were close enough in age and Fred wasn’t his Professor. They could hold hands when they were in public. Kiss in front of his friends. Actually be together. And Severus couldn’t. Even if they were still together when Harry was seventeen, people would still talk. The boy who lived with the former death eater. Twenty years older. Obviously taking advantage of him. Would Harry even want to be open about their relationship once he was old enough?

Severus was pondering this when there was soft knock on his door. For a moment his heart swelled hoping it was Harry. He was disappointed when he saw the headmaster. 

“Albus?” Severus asked as his disappointment turned to confusion. 

“Severus, I’m sorry to bother you so late.” Dumbledore walked inside once Severus moved over. 

“Is something wrong?”

“Of course not.” Dumbledore looked around as if this was his first time here. But he was there a couple times. His first time was the night Lily Potter died. When he coldly told Severus and watched him cry. The second time was the night before Harry Potter arrived at Hogwarts. Dumbledore told Severus that Harry looked like James and he was smart and kind like Lily.

He was here again. Severus knew it had something to do with Harry. 

Severus sat down on his couch and gestures for Dumbledore to take the chair opposite of him. 

“What brings you here?” Severus didn’t bother trying to hide the bit of worry that crept into his voice. Dumbledore always saw through the feigned boredom. 

“I wanted to talk to you about Mr. Potter.” Dumbledore said simply. “I noticed that you too have become quite close after what happened to Sirius. I can see how much it has helped. He seems more relaxed. You can see him unconsciously calm whenever you were near him. He seemed happier. Happier than I would have expected. You are truly helping him.”

Severus had a few feelings. His heart warmed a bit when he thought about Harry’s shoulders going from tense to relaxed whenever Severus was around. That little change happened enough in one sitting that Dumbledore picked up on it. Severus was also a bit nervous. What was the point of all of this? Why did Dumbledore feel the need to come all the way here to tell Severus about this. 

“Yes. Harry needed someone and I was there.” Severus shrugged as if it was nothing. 

“I’m sure you were just doing what anyone else would.” Dumbledore smiled as if they were in on a joke. “I was just hoping you would continue to be there for him. He will need you more than ever this year.” 

That was cryptic. But Severus felt relief when Dumbledore didn’t suggest that their relationship was insanely inappropriate. Because it was for a fact, insanely inappropriate. 

“I will continue to be there for Harry, as long as he needs me.”

Dumbledore smiled softly and stood. He walked towards the door and stopped to pick up a shirt off the ground. He tossed it and a surprised Severus caught it. 

“I hope Mr. Potter isn’t missing his shirt. That would be a shame.”

With one last knowing look Dumbledore left. 

Severus chest was heavy with fear. Dumbledore knew something. How much he knew wasn’t exactly clear. But he wasn’t mad and he didn’t fire Severus so that must mean he’s kind of okay with it. Severus sighed deeply. He wanted Harry. He decided tomorrow he would write him and try to see him. Severus missed him and hated how he left things. 

******

Harry stared at the empty spot that previously held Severus. He thought of many things he could do. But it all seemed too mean and honestly Harry didn’t wanna hurt Severus. Not really. But he did want to feel better. So Harry went back to help everyone clean up. And when Fred flirted with him, Harry flirted back. It was harmless. Or so he hoped. It did feel nice knowing someone liked him and found him attractive. 

Harry found himself outside alone with George, stacking chairs. 

“Can you stop?” George said, sounding way more angry than he had any right to be. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but if you don’t like my brother, that’s fine but don’t lead him on.”

George stomped away and Harry felt his cheeks warm and could imagine how red they must look. 

“What was that about?” 

Harry didn’t bother to turn. He knew it was the youngest Weasley. The one who also had a crush on him. She came outside to see why George came bursting into the house. 

“A misunderstanding.” Harry finished stacking the chairs before he turned to look at her. 

Ginny looked a bit nervous and sad. Harry couldn’t help but feel like a bit of an ass. He wasn’t just leading Fred on, he was flirting with Fred in front of his sister who also liked him. 

“I’m sorry Ginny.” Harry didn’t know what else to say to her. 

“You have no reason to be.” Ginny smiled at Harry. “I’ll finish this okay? It’s you’re birthday after all.” 

Harry had a feeling she wanted to be alone so he left her with the chairs and went inside. He snuck past everyone and went to Ron’s room so he could sleep. He could sort this all out tomorrow. For right now, he just needed to be unconscious and away from this mess. 

A/N: Idk what I’m doing. I had a plan, but then I didn’t. So now we’re here.


	9. Here We Go Again

Harry woke to a owl tapping on the window. He quickly rolled out of bed and let it in before Ron heard it. Harry new exactly who the letter was from. 

As quietly as he could he crept downstairs. It was a little past 4 in the morning and the entire house was fast asleep. 

“Lumos.” Harry said under his breath. As his wand started to glow he was able to read the small piece of parchment. 

Come outside.

Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. How dramatic. He didn’t even sign his name. Harry guessed he was trying to be discreet and shrugged it off. He just quickly pulled on his shoes and walked outside into the cold morning air. 

Severus was standing at the edge of the burrow’s property. The same place he apparated from yesterday. Harry walked slowly towards him. Severus seemed unsure and a bit sad. Harry felt his heart beat a little faster. He was nervous but wasn’t sure why. 

“Hey,” Harry says awkwardly. 

Severus could let the awkwardness feel them both until they start to regret the moment. But that seemed stupid. They liked each other and they were both being silly earlier. So Severus threw caution to the wind and just pulled Harry into his chest. 

Harry wrapped his arms around Severus, burying his face in Sev’s chest. 

“I’m sorry,” Sev whispered, kissing the top of Harry’s head. 

Harry didn’t answer. He was just happy to be able to hug Severus. Harry had a strong urge to apologize too. That would require him to explain how he flirted with Fred yesterday and that seemed unnecessary. They were supposed to be making up. 

Severus pulled back and took Harry’s face in his hand and kissed him softly. 

It was still dark enough that even if someone was awake and looked out the window they wouldn’t be able to see anything. 

“I was being silly before.” Severus whispered against his lips. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Harry said quickly. He reached up and kissed Severus again. 

Severus hands made their way to Harry’s hips as Harry’s hands wrapped around Sev’s neck. 

Severus let his lips travel down Harry’s neck. He bit down softly just to hear Harry moan. He smiled into the boy’s neck. 

They kissed for a bit, not really saying anything. Just enjoying each others company. After a while Harry had to sneak back in the house before anyone noticed he was gone. Reluctantly, he said his goodbyes and left Severus. 

Harry’s heart was lighter and he felt better knowing that he and Severus were on good terms. It made everything easier. 

Over the next month, Severus made his way to burrow in the middle of the night to see Harry. They often walked, finding a little field just up the rode. They would lay in the grass, holding hands while Severus taught Harry the constellations. 

Harry would spend his days avoiding the twins when they were there. He found himself hanging out with Ginny. Especially when Luna started coming over. Ginny wasn’t exactly happy about Harry not being into her, but she pretended it was fine and Harry pretended her wasn’t hurting her. 

Luna changed the entire atmosphere when she was around. Everything was lighter and nice. Everyone was so kind to her and Luna being Luna, being weird and just as kind. 

Whenever Harry wasn’t chatting with Ron and Hermione, or riding his broom with Ron, he would often find himself hanging out with Ginny and Luna. They were easy to talk to. There was nothing world threatening weighing on their minds. Luna seemed to know exactly what to say to keep the conversation going without straying into anything too stressful. 

Two days before they were due back at Hogwarts, Harry was sitting in the backyard, pulling at the grass. Just thinking about how difficult this year was going to be with his entire relationship being a secret. Luna wondered out of the house and sat next to him. 

They sat in silence for a little while before Luna broke the silence. 

“You seem worried.” She said softly. It wasn’t a question. It gave Harry the option to answer or just leave the statement hanging. He appreciated this and many other things about the ravenclaw. 

“A little bit. But I’ll be fine.” Harry smiled at her and she smiled back. 

“I know. There’s nothing that you can’t handle Harry.” 

Finally, August was closing and it was time for them to go back to Hogwarts. The last night of August did not include a visit from Severus. The potion master golf Harry he needed s full night rest before going back to school. Harry tried to argue that he could sleep on the train but Severus wouldn’t even hear him out. So Harry spent the night packing and sleeping instead of sneaking off to see Severus. 

Molly had bought all of their school supplies weeks before. Normally they would all go together but with the impending war, it seemed safer to go with Arthur and leave it at that. 

The morning of September 1st was met with everyone running back and fourth checking and rechecking that they had everything and Mrs. Weasley cooking and telling them they had days to pack and how they shouldn’t leave things to the last minute. 

But they were ready. Everyone was buzzing with a bit of excitement. Ready to go back to Hogwarts. 

With bags packed and adventure before them, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny day down to eat breakfast before they were forced out the door, into the car, and taken to Kings Cross. 

A/N: Writing while they’re in school is my favorite. Get ready for those long boi chapters. I’m trying to get on a schedule to write. Between Babysitting, working, and not sleeping, there doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day. But when life gives you sleep deprivation, make Snarry Fanfic. Hahahaaha im so tired.


	10. Hogwarts Is Probably Safe

The train ride was uneventful. Luna and Ginny joined the trio and they spent most of the ride playing exploding snaps and trying to toss candy into Ron’s mouth and missing. Harry tried to not think about the events that happened only months before. He tried not to think about the war or how he was expected to fight Voldemort or how it was going to be difficult to maintain a secret relationship and keep his grades up. One was less stressful than the others, but it still weighed on Harry’s mind. 

When the train stopped Harry looped arms with Hermione and she did the same to Ron. Harry wanted to ensure that they got a carriage together. 

“Who do you think is going to be the new Defense teacher?” Ron asked as soon as the three of them were settled and they started to make their way towards the school. 

“Mm I’m not sure. I haven’t heard anything about it.” Harry said a bit to himself. He wondered if Severus knew and if he did, why he hadn’t said anything. Guess it was a big deal. If all fairness. Harry didn’t ask. 

Harry fell back into the familiar path that led to the great hall. He easily found a seat at the table and shot Severus a small smile before turning back to his conversation with his mates. 

The sorting hat belted a particularly grim song about the world crumbling but Harry chose to ignore it. His attention was on Severus and the new man that was sitting at the head table. Harry dismissed him as the new Defense teacher and went back to trading small smiles with Severus. 

After the students were sorted, Dumbledore stood to speak to the children. 

“These are dark times.” Dumbledore stated as if it was obvious, and it kind of was. “I know you all must be scared and unsure of how to handle the stress that I’m sure you’re feeling. But I want to assure you that you are safe here. Hogwarts will always be a safe haven for those who need it.” Dumbledore gave the crowd a small sad smile. “Now, I’m sure you’re all hungry. Before we eat, I would like to introduce Professor Slughorn. He will be taking over Potions, while our very own Professor Snape will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts.” 

There was scattered clapping and confused murmurs throughout the Great Hall as Slughorn stood to give a small bow and Severus waved dismissively but he was smiling. 

Harry and Severus locked eyes for a moment and Severus smiled softly. Harry couldn't help but smile back. This was a big deal for Severus. Being kept in the dark wasn't ideal, but Harry wasn't going to take away this moment by getting emotional and ignoring Severus. They shared a small moment before turning back and pretending they weren't far more invested in each other than the food in front of them. 

Harry wasn’t sure how to feel. Severus always wanted to teach Defense. Why would he keep it from Harry? For the time being Harry pushed the thought away. The feast had begun and he was starving. He was back where he felt the most at home: eating dinner in the Great Hall, next to his best friends.

Harry let himself be in that moment. Feel the happiness that was swelling in his chest and know that at least right now, they were okay. 

A/N: I kind of left this story for a while. I lost inspiration and writing became difficult. But the world is a fucking dumpster fire so here I go again. This is very short. I just need to get back in the swing of things. I'm not done with this story yet. I'm going to attempt to update once a week. I hope there's still some readers out there.


	11. Threes a Crowd

It was late. The halls were empty and everyone was getting ready for bed so they can be decently rested before the first day of classes. Everyone who was not Harry Potter. The halls were empty exceot for a stray ghost or two, but Harry was sufficiently covered under his invisibilities cloak. He almost didn't leave. He almost went to sleep and was going to see Severus tomorrow in class. But that wasn't going to be good enough. He missed him and wanted to hug and congratulate him. Harry not being sure how to feel about being in the dark with the DADA position didn't mean it wasn't a big deal for Severus. He wanted this job for ages. Everyone knew that. So Harry thought the least he could do was congratulate him. 

When Harry was looking for his cloak in his trunk, he came across the emerald green panties that was a birthday present from Severus and Harry nearly put them on as a surprise but he decided against it. Thinking maybe now wasn't a great time. Considering he would need to sleep at some point and thought of having sex for the very first time was kind of terrifying if he was honest. Severus made Harry want to do many things that included a thong, but every time he thought about it he felt panic swell in his chest. If Harry took the time to dissect his feelings then he would know it was the fear of not being good enough and losing Severus. But what was the fun of looking too deep into things. 

When Harry finally made it to Severus door he knocked on the door and hoped Severus was still awake. Thankfully, the door swung open to a shirtless Severus. It was almost like the first time Harry found himself here. Severus had his hair tied back loosely wearing pajama pants low on his hips but this time he wasn't wearing a shirt and Harry felt his face burn. He let his eyes travel up Severus's chest to his face. They locked eyes and smiled at each other. 

"It's a bit late to be out of bed Mr. Potter." Severus said. 

Harry pushed Severus back thru the door and wrapped his arms around his neck. 

"I deserved to be punished." Harry pressed his lips to Severus's collarbone. 

Severus leaned down to kiss Harry and pulled him closer. 

"I was really hoping you would come. You should be sleeping. Classes start tomorrow." 

Harry ignored that to kiss him again. 

Eventually they ended up in Severus's bed with Harry straddling his hips.

"Congratulations by the way. Mister Professor of Defense Against The Dark Arts." 

Severus grinned up the green eyed boy and tried to dial back his excitement. 

"I found out yesterday. I wanted to tell you but by the time I knew it was late and you would find out soon enough." Severus ran his hands up Harry's hips and underneath his shirt. His hand rested on his back. Harry skin always seemed to radiate heat, or maybe Severus was always cold. 

Harry shivered slightly, his hands on Severus's bare chest. Harry leaned down to kiss his chest. Leaving a small kiss wherever his lips could reach. 

"I'm happy for you." Harry said between kisses before heading up to his neck and biting down softly and sucking on his skin. Harry didn't forget about the hickey Severus left and was determined to leave a bright red bruise on a very visible spot. His decided on the side of his neck. Just far enough up to not be covered by the collar on his cloak. Severus moaned softly underneath Harry. Very quietly like he was trying not to. Harry, without much thought started to let his hands travel Down Sev's chest and let his thumb brush over his nipple and felt a bit accomplished at the sharp intake of breath Severus took. 

"Harry." The word escaped Severus before he realized what he was saying. He said it so softly that it sounded like a prayer and Harry immediately felt it in his chest. His heart sped up and he immediately wanted Severus to say his name like that again. Harry had never felt so wanted in his entire life. 

Harry trailed wet kisses back to Severus's lips and melted into it. Without much thought Harry started to grind down on Severus and Severus responded doing the same for a moment before thinking better of it. 

He pulled away and grabbed Harry's hips to stop him. "We should stop." Severus took a deep breath and tried to be the voice of reason. 

Harry knew he was right. And he did stop. But for a moment there was this strong feeling of disappointment. For a moment Harry felt as if he imagined Severus saying his name. That Severus probably didn't want him. But Harry shoved it down with the panic he felt whenever he thought about having sex. He pushed it down with his unfelt feelings of despair that had to do with losing his God father. Harry shoved it all the way to the very back of his mind where he kept the bitter anger he still felt towards Ron and Hermione for ignoring him last summer on Dumbledore's orders, and Harry smiled. He nodded. He kissed Severus. After about an hour he left. 

Thankfully Harry made it to his room and went to sleep before those feelings could resurface. 

And the next morning Harry went to class. He had breakfast with his friends and he didn't say anything about his feelings. He pretended they weren't there. He did his work and he waited for DADA. His last class of the day was taught by his... Harry still wasn't sure what to call it. They were exclusive but boyfriend seemed wrong. Harry made a mental note to ask later. 

When the day was finally over, Harry found himself sitting between Ron and Hermione in to the middle row of the classroom. Severus, always the one for dramatics, came in behind them, his robes blowing behind him. He turned to face the class and Harry had to fight a smile. A bright red hickey was clear on his neck. He could have spelled it away but Severus left it there and Harry loved it. 

Hermione glanced over at Harry. It could be a coincidence that after Harry started hanging out with Snape that Harry had a hickey on his neck. And the day after school started Snape had one too. It could be a coincidence but Hermione thought maybe it wasn't. Maybe Harry was hiding something so much bigger than a secret lover. A secret lover who is 20 years older and their teacher was crazy but Hermione thought about it throughout the entire class. 

Ron on the other hand was thinking who would be terrible enough to even like Snape. But Harry kept glancing and smiling at their Professor and Snape stole a few glances and smiles as well. Ron started thinking maybe Harry was... But that seemed insane. 

When the class was over they had about an hour before dinner and Hermione suggested a walk around the lake. It was still fairly warm but there wasn't anyone outside. The sun was setting and Hermione turned to Harry making both Harry and Ron stop and stare at her. 

"Harry, I might be insane and I'll believe you if you deny it." Hermione started. She glanced at Ron who guessed what she was on about. When he nodded she continued. "Is there something going on with you and Snape?"

Harry felt fear and then anger. He thought about lying and telling Hermione she was completely mental. But then the anger he shoved down started boiling to the top and Harry glared at her. She had no right. Last year Hermione and Ron treated Harry like he was a background friend. Sure they had fun this summer, but that bitterness of being a second class friend for an entire year still hurt. "Why would I tell you anything? Do you suddenly have time for me?"

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A/N: I did it. I wrote a chapter. I thought writing would be easier because quarantine but like it's not. Because I still have to work and my mental health is a fucking joke. I hope all is well. Stay safe.


	12. It's Just a Little Blood

The air around the lake became stiff and cold as the three friends stared at each other. Hermione's face was slowly turning pink as she looked at Harry. 

"What do you mean?" Her voice suddenly soft. "We're your best friends, Harry."

Harry laughed bitterly. " Best friends. Were you my best friends last year when you didn't write me for a month? Or when you would whispered about me everytime I left the room. Do you think I didn't notice?"

Harry's chest felt tight and the anger slowly turned to sadness as he saw the hurt cross his friends face. Slowly his first unballed and Harry took a deep breath. He was only mad for a second. The quick change in his emotions gave him whiplash. 

"I..." Harry trailed off. He didn't think he was wrong for what he said. But he didn't want to hurt them. 

"We don't know what to do." Ron took a step forward. "We're your friends Harry, but we're sixteen. Our headmaster told us not to tell you anything. And we're kids. We did as we were told. We wanted to tell you. We see you getting uncomfortably close to Snape and we asked you about it. We don't know what to do with you or with this war or anything. We are here and we're gonna help you, but you gotta give us a break and tell us how to do this. " 

To be fair, he had a point. But Harry didn't want to tell them. Not yet. Not when it was new and Harry wasn't even sure what to call Severus. Boyfriend? Partner? He wasn't sure. And telling them seemed wrong. Just not right now. 

"Snape is just our professor. And my friend. Nothing else." The lie came easily and Harry watched his friends visably relax. "I'm sorry for yelling. I'm just a little stressed out. I shouldn't take it out on you. " 

Ron and Hermione smiled and left Harry off the hook and they went back to being friends. Friends that are only sixteen, facing a war, and letting their worries go unsaid. Keeping secrets and pretending it was fine. 

Harry laughed at their jokes and moaned about the unfairness of homework. And it was fine for the most part. There was this looking darkness over everyone's heads but it didn't matter at the moment. 

About halfway through dinner Harry glanced up at the teachers table and realized Severus wasn't there. He felt a brief moment of panic before dismissing it. He saw Severus an hour ago. He was fine. Maybe just not up for dinner. 

After dinner was over Harry told Ron and Hermione that he had a meeting with Dumbledore. Another lie. He bid them goodnight and headed towards the headmaster office until they were outsight. Then he turned around and headed straight to the dungeons. 

Harry knocked on the door and waited rather impatiently. He bounced on the balls of his feet and went to knock again when the door finally swung open and Harry's stomach turned at the sight of Severus. He had a gash on below his temple and his lip was swollen and bleeding slightly. 

His eyes widened slightly when he saw Harry. It was clear he was expecting someone else. 

"What happened?" Harry whispered, reaching up to touch his face but stopping quickly when Severus shook his head slightly. 

"Mr. Potter, now isn't a great time. It completely slipped my mind that we had a meeting today." 

Harry raised an eyebrow at the formality until he glanced around Severus to see Dumbledore standing inside. 

"Right..." Harry wanted to argue because he wanted to know what happened and that Severus was okay. But it was clear that wasnt happening so nodded. 

"I'll send you an owl in about an hour to reschedule." Severus gave Harry a soft smile to show he was okay. 

Harry smiled back but his heart wasn't in it. He turned to go back. On the walk back his heart thumped loudly in his chest. He knew that their relationship had to be a secret but that didn't make it hurt less. Harry desperately wanted to hug Severus and know that he was okay. And what happened. Who hurt him? Harry went through the portrait and snuck around the corner of the room to avoid speaking to anyone and went to his room. It was thankfully empty. Harry opened the window and sat on his bed and waited. 

Thankfully he didn't have to wait an hour. It was only 30 brutally long minutes later that a owl swooped in and dropped a letter on his bed. 

Harry quickly opened the letter. 

Harry, 

I am okay. I couldn't speak earlier with Dumbledore here. If you aren't too tired, I would love some company. 

S. 

Harry took a second to tuck the letter into his trunk before slipping on his invisibility cloak and rushing out. It was a bit difficult to get around everyone in his cloak. The room was far more crowded than normal. 

Harry was curious why everyonewas huddled and whispering but Harry desperately wanted to see Severus so he swallowed his curiosity and went for the portrait hole. Neville was climbing through so Harry slipped behind him and headed once again towards the dungeons. 

Harry's heart was beating hard in his chest as his knocked for the second time that night and Severus opened the door. 

He looked a bit better. The gash by his temple looked almost healed and his lip was no longer swollen. Severus pulled Harry inside and into a hug, letting the door close behind them. 

"God, are you okay?" Harry asked taking Severus face gently his hands. 

" Yes. I'm fine, I promise." Severus leaned into the touch and smiled softly. He needed this more than he was willing to admit. "I just got into a bit of a situation with..." Severus trailed off. 

As much as Harry wanted to ask more questions. Who and why and if this was going to keep happening, he didn't. Not right now. Right now he was just happy Severus was okay. 

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After a month of school, Harry and Severus fell into a nice schedule. If homework wasn't awful Harry would come and lay with Severus for an hour before returning to his bed to sleep. On Saturdays Harry often stayed the night and could get away with telling Ron and Hermione he was practicing Quidditch or studying. 

Severus still disappeared and came back a bit roughed up but he refused to tell Harry what was going on and Harry let it go for the most part. 

That was until a week before Halloween, Harry was sitting on Severus bed reading when Severus stumbled in a looking like he had smashed his face into a wall. His nose looked broken and his eyes blackening underneath and his lips swollen. Harry jumped up and without much thought he summoned paper towel and started mopping up the blood that was pouring from Sev's nose. 

"What the hell happened?" Harry asked leading Severus to the bed and making him sit down. 

Before Severus could refuse to answer or try to steer Harry to a different topic, Harry was already shaking his head. 

"None of that. What is going on?" 

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A/N: I wrote this a week ago and just remembered to post it. I have writers block and can't figure out what to do with this. When I figure this out these chapters will stop being trash.


	13. I Love You

Severus was never a happy man. He always felt this gaping hole in the place his heart was supposed to be. Honestly, Severus never felt much. He was not in the business of feeling. 

But Harry brought something out in him. The hole seemed to shrink when Harry smiled and his heart seemed to grow. Sometimes he felt silly when Harry would kiss him and his heart would flutter. He wanted to always be kissing, always making Harry smile or laugh. He just wanted to constantly be around Harry. 

And that would have been a possibility, if the world didn't enjoy making a mockery of Severus's life. If Voldemort wasn't back and Harry wasn't sixteen. And definitely if Severus was not a double spy. 

But he was. He was a spy and Harry was 16 and Voldemort was back.

So Severus sat on his bed and fixed his nose and tried to clean the blood off his face while they boy he was starting to love, stared at him with all the pain he felt clear on his face. And he wanted to tell him how Voldemort enjoyed punishing severus. Enjoyed explaining that the pain was required to prove his loyalty. Only loyal death eaters would endure this pain and still come back. 

Severus wanted to tell Harry how Voldemort was cruel and how it reminded him of his dad. Being cruel just to be cruel. He wanted to tell Harry how difficult this was becoming. How much Severus feared for Harry. How Severus wanted to protect Harry but wasn't sure if he could. 

But all the things he wanted to tell Harry turned to stone and sat heavily in his throat as he shook his head. 

"Listen Harry... You know what I do. It's dangerous. "

Snape hoped and prayed to whatever God might be listening that this was enough for Harry. But he learned a long time ago that if there was a God, he was one to watch, not act. Harry was already shaking his head. 

"Please Sev." The nickname slipped out of Harry's mouth without a thought. "Please talk to me. What is He doing to you?"

Harry was now standing in front of Severus, standing over him as Sev's shoulder sunk and all the composure he had faded and he felt weak and hurt as he pressed his face into Harry's chest and felt all the things he ignored for so long. 

"Harry," He breathed as he wrapped his arms around Harry and clung on to the back of Harry's shirt as if it was his life line. "Harry. He's angry at me. Because I didn't find him. He's mad. I was his best man, his right hand man, and I abandoned him. He's angry. He's making me pay for what I've done." 

Severus shuddered remembering the pain he endured. 

"I'm so sorry." Harry whispered. 

Harry felt the tears on his face and guilt fill his body. Everything in head was screaming this was his fault. Because it was. Voldemort wanted him. And Severus was paying the price. 

But with all these feelings swirling around, Harry said none of it. This wasn't about him, this was about Severus. Things he was going through and all the pain he felt. 

Harry put his hands on Sev's face to make him look at Harry. Harry thought of the things he wanted to say. How much he liked Severus, how much these last few months have been amazing and how sometimes when they laid together in the dark, Harry would often think about doing this years from now. Years after Harry was out of school and years after Voldemort was no longer a threat. He often saw his life intertwined with Severus. With the potion master. With...

And then the words slipped out. "I love you."

Harry said it so softly it almost didn't make a sound. And Severus froze for a moment before he was kissing Harry and saying it back. Together they tasted like blood and tears, but they kissed. Whenever their lips parted, one of them would say another 'I love you.' It all became so intertwined, their breath and bodies. 

And this time, when the kiss seemed to be leading to something more, Severus didn't stop, he only paused for a moment to ask if this was okay and Harry, cheeks red, nodded. 

Harry didn't feel fear that he would disappoint with his lack of experience. They just loved each other. There was pain and sadness and anger in between the love. The unfairness of life seemed to sit on the surface. But Harry moaned under Sev's touch and said his name like a prayer. And Severus loved it all. He left deep purple bruises on parts of Harry's skin where his mouth could reach. 

"Mine." Severus whispered possessively into Harry's neck. 

"Always." Harry whispered back. 

Always his.   
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When they were done, Harry was sore and happy and in love. 

"Are you okay?" Severus asked, pulling Harry closer so they were chest to chest. 

"I'm fine. You were amazing." Harry kissed Sev's chin and grinned when he chuckled. 

"I didn't hurt you?" 

Harry shook his head quickly. Severus did not hurt him. He was sore but he Severus was so gentle and patient. The thought, even moments after it had happened, made Harry's cheeks burn. 

"I love you." Harry had to say again. Now. Now that the moment was calmer and no one felt like the world was ending. To make sure Severus still felt the same. 

"Harry," Severus smiled and kissed his nose. "I love you too."

A/N: Okay okay. I think I finally have an idea for where this is going. So I am back at again. Next chapter coming soon.


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